So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
