I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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