just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
