i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
