just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
