Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
