I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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