Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
