I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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