Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This girl is more easily done than said...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
