last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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