I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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