It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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