ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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