i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
