Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
