So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
