This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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