i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
