Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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