She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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