Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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