I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He better not be in your backpack
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
