flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The adults are the big ones right?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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