Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
