It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
