am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I know her cup size but not her name....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
