ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
