I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
