so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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