You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
