took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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