Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
