Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
