I seem to have left my pride at pride
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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