i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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