Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
