you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
