who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he fucked my hip out of place.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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