no, he came in my armpit
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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