Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
