So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
