I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
