I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
