we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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