what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
