I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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