Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
