If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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