2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
