your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
