Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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