hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
