I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
