genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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