the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
FUCK WHALES
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
