So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
