kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
