you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
